Friday, October 24, 2008

talking to the darkness

when i was 15 i did a monologue in my actor's studio class that got a ridiculous response. a friend of mine at the time told me about how he used to turn off the lights in his room and just sit in there and talk to anyone and no one in particular, just to say things that were bothering him out loud. i basically did the same thing in my actor's studio class- turned off all the lights and started talking. i had no idea what i said, but it got a really good response as i remember. it was probably incredibly revealing. there really wasn't too much to me back then- i was just discovering things about myself without realising it or putting much thought into it. i'm beginning to feel like i'm doing that with this blog.
i post on several message boards, but usually don't responded to too often. not a huge deal as who really wants to be an internet message board celebrity (you know what i'm talking about if you've ever been on one of these things), occasionally it's just nice to be acknowledged. i don't know- maybe not. on the other hand sometimes it's the best thing to be one of the people on those things who's ignored.
i got a cease and desist email through blogger from the dmca. basically i'm not 100% sure that it's a good idea to continue posting live recordings that i've taped here to share with people. i actually know for a fact that the bootlegs i've posted here have circulated beyond my little tiny circle- i once found a link posted on a message board that i had never been to or heard of. the idea behind posting the shows here was to share them and make them easy to access by people who troll for live recordings- the main reason being i'm one of those people. it's similar to the reasons i make music- i'm just trying to reach myself out there because i know that there must be some people (however few) who feel alone and alienated and totally out of sorts with pretty much everyone they come across in this life. so now i'm kind of bummed because of that new legislative internet copyright act gobbledygook blah-blah blah crappola has kind of pooped my party and my attempts to give back. that's why the first nick cave recording is gone. that's why the second night recording never popped up here (a shame as the second night was better than i thought and the recording turned out really well).
last night i went to see 'w.' before going to see it i had been wondering what the point was on oliver stone making a movie about george w. bush. it seemed kind of ridiculous- sure, oliver stone has made a career out of making politically heavy-handed movies about historical figures, but george w. is still in office- it seemed a little too soon and that there would be a lack of objectivity due to how close the workings of the bush white house still are. in high school an english teacher of mine (who was really terrible and irritating as a teacher- this is the only profound thing i think i heard her say while she was my teacher) said that when you're writing about something it's important that you write about something when it's all in the past because if you're still in the midst of it you won't really have enough distance to look at it clearly and objectively enough to write about it with any kind of direction, clear intent or purpose and it will come out completely incoherent. i didn't listen to her and wrote a train-wreck of a paper about what was going on in my life at that time. it was really bad- the only paper i've ever gotten a c on. lesson learned. what i'm getting at here is that i thought that oliver stone was making the same mistake by making his 'w.' movie. then i went and saw it. i have to say that i was really impressed with it- as a whole it really wasn't what i was expecting at all especially from oliver stone. i thought it would be built around that whole conspiracy theory that the bush administration orchestrated and faked the 9/11 attacks, but it wasn't at all. for anyone who hasn't seen it i recommend watching the trailer- that actually is the best indicator of what the movie's about. the movie is very sympathetic with george w. bush as a person. basically it depicts him as a directionless little boy who's incredibly gung ho to do... something. the tack it takes is that because of his connections and his family and his relatability by average joes he was used by a group of people with some very unwholesome intentions and aspirations- duped into doing something and manipulated by people much smarter than him because he seemed to lack the foresight to see a disaster before it arrives. jeffrey wright as colin powell was pretty awesome- the only voice of reason in the whole thing. i hate to cast the whole thing as being completely true because i feel that the truth is sort this mythical long extinct creature that you grew up hearing about but that never really shows up anywhere because even if it did exist at some point it's been gone for so long no one's actually seen it sitting right in front of them- kind of like the dodo or fucking unicorns. i kind of thought that the film could be used as support for this idea. we live in fucking terrifying times right now. my god.
i can't remember what day nov. 4th is but i believe that it's a day that i have to work. if the polls open early enough i'd really like to go cast my vote before going to work- but that would put it somewhere in the 6am mark and i severely doubt that.
stefanie's parents are now officially in town. this is my only day off this week- i have to go back into work tomorrow for a five-day week. on wednesday night i leave to come to kansas city for some recording and then come back on friday night and go straight to work from the megabus right into another 6-day week. i was so wiped out from yesterday- it was quite a long day.
stefanie is probably waiting for me though and i should try and meet up with them soon. i've probably missed lunch already- they always eat so early. we were supposed to go to hot doug's today, but they are closed for vacation. i'm personally very relieved- i was supposed to reserve an igo car and go pick them up at 10:30am. i woke up at 10 today and i was not ready to get going by then.
i guess all of these busy times will help get us closer to christmas time- hopefully a relaxing visit (haw haw haw). it's going to be a quick one. the record bar offered us a show on the 29th, but sadly that is the day that we will be leaving town. i was even going to check flight info to see if it would be plausible to change our flight so we could do it- i do love playing at that place. i guess we'll just keep trying.
that's pretty much that for now.

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