Friday, October 17, 2008

i just don't know what to do with myself

i got too much done yesterday. now i have nothing to do today. i guess i should be glad. i always do this though- try my hardest to not have jack shit to do on my days and then what happens- i get bored within thirty seconds. maybe i'll have time to watch a movie then. that'd be nice. that's kind of a rarity these days.
i bought another mic yesterday. it was horrible- you know how when you buy an item and you're finishing paying for it through ebay and they have those little displays of other items you might enjoy? yeah, it was in one of those. a great deal on a bass drum mic- i just couldn't pass it up- it was what i always hoped for but never seems to happen on ebay- an item at a reasonable buy it now price. it was $130 for a $220 mic. two down at least three more to go. i guess there really shouldn't be too much of a rush- i probably won't be able to get to kc to do more recording until march or so.
writing in this thing makes me feel like i'm getting more and more boring as the years go by. a lot of what i used to be so preoccupied with i haven't had to worry about for almost 10 years now. namely girls. i used to do tons of agonising over girls that i liked and since i haven't had to in a long time i have nothing else to think about but music and recording and it is making me boring to about everyone else i meet. at work for some reason i seem to be witty and quick. i guess it just takes all of that side of me away from me. it's a shame i can't save a little bit for this blog. i have a feeling no one really reads it and anyone who does come here comes here for the bootleg downloads. i have no qualms about that. mostly this is a way to keep my friends updated on what's on my mind when they are so inclined to keep up. i have no problem with that at all.
i'm going to go back to the girl-craziness. the truth? i still have it. i still see good looking girls and get all gooey about it. i just keep it in check somehow. what i usually think to get myself out of being gooey or whatever is just to think 'i have a beautiful, awesome girl that i'm really ridiculously happy with who i share everything with and who accepts me whole-heartedly for who i am flaws and all and never at any point wanted to change me' and i figure that that is something that the minority of people my age have, and then i think of how if i were to ever date again what a horrible nightmare it would be and how i would be permanently locked in to being a pathetic little coward with no confidence and how NOT fun that would be. it isn't difficult to talk myself out of and keep a realistic view. what i've kind of found is that pretty girls are about a dime a dozen. when you have one that really loves you and accepts you then that's something that nearly no one in the world has. i get hit on a fair amount now too, which didn't happen before. i think it's because since i am in a stable relationship i have more confidence than when i did before i met stefanie and i radiate it more. a tip for single dudes- confidence is more important to ladies than looks. i don't mean cockiness. i mean confidence. there is a big difference. this makes sense to me now. i wish someone had told me this when i was younger. i'm sure someone did, but i was either too stupid or bull-headed to accept it. probably both actually. a moot point now. in an interesting way i was right all along- i figured that someone had to come along who would accept me for who i was and then it happened- i was just keeping my eye on the prize. stubbornness is often rewarded. at least that's my theory and the theory i've been operating under making music and releasing records for the last four years. wow, it's only been four years... that's a bit sobering... how have i managed to keep this going for that long?
i sometimes wish i could go back to writing stories and novels and all of that other stuff, but the more i try to do that i find that i'm not as satisfied with the results. the reason being that i'm not focused enough on it to really give it the time that it deserves. in another way i've been proven right in this area- writing is something you can always come back to, music is something that must be done immediately while i'm still young. i don't know why that is, but it is.
on to find more fares. megabus here i come.

1 comment:

stefanie said...

aw, pshaw. *blush*