... it's amazing to me how being completely ignored to an amazing degree is forcing me to acknowledge the fact that i am crying out desperately for attention. thanks universe...
of course now i've been plowing my own field for so long it's surrounding me and it's so huge that i don't remember the way back to the party. kind of like the part in 'macbeth' where macbeth realises that he's already killed a ton of innocent people who didn't deserve it so he might as well just keep going- it's not like he can reverse what he's already done. to get back to the field metaphor- i also don't see any people around at all...
i'm just feeling like i'm a pain in everyone's ass right now. an annoyance. no one seems to have any respect for my feelings either which is kind of doing a number on me. that's kind of the reason i plow alone to begin with- people get sick of me once they get to know me... i'm now firmly stuck where i stand right now. it doesn't seem like i can find a way out of where i am- i've really made my bed this time... i have no idea what to do to better my situation either...
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