...that i always have to have something in my life to battle against? i don't understand why this is, but it seems to be built into my dna- part of how i perceive things around me. this is meant on a more personal level- meant to be reflective of my own behavior only. for some reason i always have to have something to rage against. most often it's my boss, or really anyone who has authority over me. i used to think this was just a by-product of being an independent self-motivated person all-around but i'm not so sure it is anymore. it's definitely not a desire to be top-dog- i don't even need or want that. if i were to sum up my life-philosophy in one sentence it would probably be 'leave me be.' as i've rambled about a lot i've encountered a lot of people in my life who don't react well to my independence- insisting on imposing their will on me and trying to make themselves my chief motivator- something which makes me bristle at the thought. enough to awaken the stubborn-ness and make me not want to do something that i normally would do on my own just because someone else is telling me to. i am a very stubborn person, but it's an independent stubborn-ness- when i'm doing something i know enough to know what and how to do it and i'd rather get on with it on my own without being told how to do it or what to do when i already know how and will just do on my own if i'm just left alone.
i just deleted a massive out-pouring entry that can be summed up with this phrase- managers can't be friends with their employees. it just doesn't work.