'darling i want to take you by the hand...'

these are odd times.
i had a fantastic time in kansas city for mike's wedding. truly wonderful. if this is what it's going to be like when my friends get married, then bring the weddings on! i played 'blind willie' by sonny sharrock at the end of the ceremony. twas glorious! i even got to know a bunch of people that i hadn't really known before out of mike's new circle of friends. it was very emotional as well- i almost cried during the ceremony a few times. that's about as much as can be asked of me- there seems to be something bred into my dna that forbids me from crying in public.
in addition to the wedding my trip to kc was very relaxing. i did lose my ipod on the train on the way there, but that hasn't been too big of a deal so far. i'm probably going to buy a new one on ebay right now. i've called the lost and found at amtrak to no avail. i'm pretty sure it just got picked up and now is gone. not sure what whoever grabbed it is going to do with all of that weird shit that i listen. kind of a bummer as all of the 'chinese blue' demos were on it and i don't really have those readily- they're spread out over several discs that are all over the place. i went through them all looking for a song a while ago and it was pretty scary- and also discovered that my cd burner is slowly dying.
while i was in town i went to the filling station and winstead's every day- pretty much the sure mark of a great visit. also hung out with billy a ton, which i'm glad i did as he's moving to florida in less than a month meaning i probably won't see him for an obscenely long period of time. it was good that we all had this final hurrah. it could be the last time for a very long time.
i'm not sure what else to say here- the dynamics in the band are changing and people are becoming tight. when you have males and females in a band this can tend to mean that people become attracted to each other. this becomes what we call sexual tension eventually. i guess it'll feed the intensity. i'm just painfully aware of everything that's happening, has happened and (in some cases) what will eventually happen. when we played at the empty bottle together i think that this is why i got so sullen- i realised that everything was changing. not that it was a bad thing, but that what had started out as such a small and intimate thing had expanded past a point i'd never thought was possible. we'd played a few shows with the strings, but it was always kind of viewed as a special, infrequent thing. now it's more of a permanent thing. as soon as brandon came around everyone got very tight and friendly very quickly as well- it banded us all together very suddenly. it kind of overwhelmed me and i didn't know how to react to it. now we've been hanging out together more often and it's a bit easier for me to relax. what's more the recording sessions have retained the same feel. they've also gone back to more of a solitary format. all of the 'field of flowers' songs have been built piece by piece by me mostly- i've called on stefanie to add a few things (she's been very busy lately) and we did one live track together ('i am') but everything else is pretty much built off of whatever was around and too good to pass up.
it's kind of a period of change right now. i noticed that i've been feeling everything so intensely the last month. it seems like the stakes are so high in every realm. don't know what's up with that... i just noticed it mostly right after the mortville show back on my birthday.