help is on the way

i realised that my next paycheck is going to help me be able to pay for a ton of stuff that i need. i'd also somehow forgotten about how i'm working two six day weeks and that that means i'll have some extra money before we leave for kansas city. we also picked up three nights of housesitting for jay and diana as well which i figure will go toward some fun money while we're home. i've got about half of the cost of the rental car saved at the moment. i don't have to play catch up next week either, so it can go straight into the saving envelope- that's usually what trips me up. it's a light bill period- always nice. i might even be able to afford to buy myself some new shoes- something that's been overdue for quite some time and mandatory before i arrive in kc. i could probably use another pair of jeans pretty soon.
other than that i'm trying to lay low again today- i stayed home all day yesterday doing mix-downs. today i don't have any to do, so i'm just going to try and watch some movies. i've been so excruciatingly bored lately and i can't quite figure out how or why this is- it could be because i'm running out of things to record and work on. i also remembered that i used to watch a ton of movies whenever i was home for the day- so it's possible that that would help a bit. i dunno though...
i'm also going through a fun phase where embarrassing and humiliating memories are beginning to come to me in unpredictable and frequent waves. i don't know if this has happened to many people, but i go through periods where this happens to me multiple times daily and it's not particularly fun- basically the memories come back to me suddenly and the feelings rush back as if they were brand new. it's not a very fun way to be. i've got to say that i could live without it- feeling embarrassed and humiliated is just enough right at the particular time that it happened- there's no need for lingering crappola. some of these memories are from when i was very very little- like still in the single digits. i am my own worst enemy. as always.