about:blank

it's been an obscenely long time since i've posted anything here. i'd like to say it's because things have been going so well i haven't been too worried about too much, but really it's mostly the same worries as always. being at work is still the same kind of never-ending endurance test that it is for pretty much everyone. i wasn't too worried about the show at the empty bottle on sunday. i did have a dream last night that we were running late getting there. i guess i'm more worried about getting to the show than playing the show itself. it is kind of weird though, i still haven't heard back from chris about whether or not he'll be able to play it. very strange. i'm beginning to think he's not going to be there. he has other things to worry about though, so i'm not upset at him. i'm more bummed because i feel like he's going to be disappointed that he couldn't make it and that we had to play without him. understandably that probably isn't the best feeling.
the bad yelp reviews are back at beans and bagels. i'd really like to think that people are mostly good at heart, but the more i'm around people, the more i know them the more i'm seeing how a disheartening amount of people are just entitled, whiny little babies. it's just a question of degrees. there's a point where i'm in that boat, but i don't feel entitled to anything- that's usually what i'm upset about. people are just so quick to judge and dismiss and draw such definitive conclusions based off of almost nothing. when it's turned on them, all of a sudden it's so unfair and so unjust and they start to play the part of the poor, misunderstood, sensitive soul. all of a sudden. 90% of the things i hear people get their panties in a wad about are so unbelievably trivial to me that i'm hard-pressed to recall a single one. even the recurring ones. not sure what to do about this. i try not to let it bother me because really it makes me grateful for the amount of perspective that i actually have, but nevertheless can't they just leave me alone?
the music thing isn't bugging me anymore, fortunately. i'm of the opinion so far that i've done about as much as i possibly can and all i can do is keep it going on that level. that would be an accomplishment in and of itself. i wanted to release these seven albums and it's been done. i wanted to go on tour and we've done that a few times. maybe it wasn't how we imagined it, but really would we be any better off if we had booking agents and a label behind us? most likely no. would we have been able to get all of the music out that we wanted to do with a label behind us? no way in hell. would more people have heard us because of this? not necessarily. so now, all of a sudden, i have this giant body of work that i'm ridiculously proud of that i built from the ground up with very little help- it's definitely nothing to sneeze at. if other people don't notice it, that's not for me to worry about. just the fact that it was done at all is quite a beautiful thing. the more shows we play the more i put together songs and play them for and with other people the more i realise that i have written a bunch of songs that i really really love and if i came across them i would love them to death. they are exactly how i feel about things and view the world. we are also a formidable live band, which i'm incredibly proud of. being overlooked is almost just another ace in the hole. black tambourine only played a few shows that weren't really attended well at all. that doesn't change the fact that they wrote and recorded some amazing songs.
perspective.
where i am with the october tour is that i'm hoping it comes together, but if it doesn't, it doesn't. stefanie won't be able to go along on the whole thing- she can't get two weeks off at her job yet. i actually rehearsed the songs just playing them in arrangements just for me and they worked just fine. touring alone would kind of suck, but if that's how it has to be, that's how it has to be. it'd be good to get out of town and hopefully sell some of those records. so there you go. i'm proud of what i've done and i'll continue to do it for as long as i can. the series of 7"es is coming along nicely as well. most of the tracks have already been finished on my part for a very long time.