ever more tenuous

as always what goes up must come down. i don't think the east coast tour is going to happen. it's not looking good- i haven't heard anything from anyone that i've contacted at all which is not a good sign. no sir. given the fact that we weren't able to secure any college shows, our current shitty financial state and the fact that i still want to get another record released before the end of the year (for what reason i have NO idea whatsoever) and the whole 'i want to work on my debt. seriously.' stance that i've been taken as of late i figured that a doubtless money-pit of a tour would probably not be the best idea right now. at this point i think we might just try and do a one-off or a few later on- maybe go back down to kc and play at the record bar again (always fun to do). why not?
i am having an awful lot of trouble santising what's going on with this 'band.' it's hair-pulling frustrating. nothing short of maddening at this point. we're in the unique and sad position of reaching some truly amazing heights all while relatively no one is paying attention (or at least not the powers that be, the movers and shakers, the people who 'matter' as it were). i'm not real sure what to do- if we were in a punk band, a folk duo or an experimental noise group i would know exactly what to do and we could go on a long, ridiculous tour no problem whatsoever. unfortunately our uniqueness is now becoming a hindrance (let's be honest though- that's ALWAYS been our problem). how did this happen? damned if i know... right now we are in the position where we can book our own shows and people will come to see us play, but we can't get any shows at any other venues no matter how legitimate or illegitimate as the case may be... i haven't heard a peep from the guy who books at schuba's. not a peep. i think he's emailed me back a total of four times max in the four years that i've been emailing him and the four cds i've sent him. it's getting to email blow-up territory. at this point i really feel like it would be a perfect time for us to play at schuba's- live strings and whatnot would work really really well there. beautifully well in fact! and what better place to do something like that? we can draw enough people to justify an opening slot on a weekday night. we have the means and the equipment to pull it off well. we are primed. what's the fucking holdup? if you're reading this mr. rucins please feel free to answer.
i think i know the answer- we aren't playing the 'game.' playing the game is something i've never been good at my entire life. i don't know why this is- i wish i could play the game, but unfortunately it's just not within my power to do so. i have more important things to do. i don't think of this even as much of an 'integrity' issue or anything like that- i just have a very finely-tuned bullshit detector and if it's going off when i'm talking i find it very difficult to make it a habit. thus playing the game becomes a bit difficult as it's going off like sirens when i'm in the midst of that.
so now we're in a position where we're releasing these great records that hardly anyone reviews or hears and we're completely unable to get a reasonable flow of shows going, we aren't able to make the necessary connections to book anything even remotely resembling a proper tour- when we do get one booked it's usually tenuous at best and we either end up playing a bill that's completely inappropriate and mismatched to the point where we might as well not even be there or we're boxed into a local scene that we *sort of* fit the mold for, but not quite. i think the phrase in our 'sharp darts' feature will be our epitaph- 'they're unpretentious innocents straddling two scenes where a little healthy pretentiousness can do some good.' i'm mis-quoting and paraphrasing here. so what are we supposed to do? i don't know if i can keep releasing records only to have them be ignored time and again and i don't see the point of touring if we can't seem to find our niche. the best thing about all of this is that there is no one around who can help us because NO ONE i know who's playing music right now is even remotely in the same position as us. i am beginning to understand the reactions that we get at shows- i used to think that it was a bit of a muted apathy or polite and forgiving fake enjoyment but i am now beginning to see that what the reaction is is complete and utter befuddlement. i never thought of us as being that unique, but as it turns out we really are... so much so that no one knows quite what to do when they see it face-to-face. i'd always thought that i was flattering myself when i thought this but now i see that it isn't necessarily a good thing. we're like island people...
maybe that should be the new name for our band- islanders.