how to walk away

i just deleted an entire ridiculous entry about my financial woes. i'm not sure what to do about that stuff, but it never ceases to amaze me how events seem to cluster just as soon as i'm getting things under control. circumstances have a way of putting me back in the hole and adding a little depth in the process. i'd previously thought that the music expenses were solely to blame, but upon thinking about things i realised that before september i hadn't charged a single band-related expense in years and somehow the debt had managed to grow during that period. i'm thinking about this from the wrong point of view. a lot of it is to do with the whole cluster of van repairs and that ridiculous emergency room visit. that was about $3000 right there. even once we ran out of money on tour the grand total of charges i made on my card was $340. there's some perspective right there.
i'm just in the throes of some lovely financial depression just like everyone is at the moment. we discussed a decent idea that i'd had for a long time- we thought about trying to play a show (or shows) at some of the local colleges in order to make some money to recover some debt incurred by the band. we also discussed trying to get a college show here as a wind up for the tour so that we leave town with some money in the bank. it would also be good if we could prepay for the rental car. that way it takes a bit of the burden off. college shows are a very good way to make money it seems to me. i am going to do a massive mailing in february/march in preparation for a september east coast tour. the idea is to get about three college shows- again in the hopes of paying for all of the gas outright, paying for hotel rooms along the way (we know less people on the east coast) as well as food (which i felt like we did a fantastic job of last time- somehow we stopped for food a lot but it was never as expensive as i expected it to be) and then the desire was also to have some extra money alloted to pay whatever we were lacking for bill-paying once we got back. i think it can be done. fortunately we know what to do more now. even if it all goes wrong it's still not going to cost nearly as much as the west coast tour. also if we get college shows it tends to include a hotel room for free. since they tend to be in the afternoon we can also get a show at night if possible.
it's going to be tough to work off all of the debt, but i think it can be done dammit! a lot of what caused the depression of last night was the fact that we were going to get an igo car to drive up to skokie for the bird machine open house. after doing some research last night i discovered that the yellow line stop is actually a little under a mile from the bird machine, so as long as we get out of there before 11pm we should be able to take the yellow line back to howard. we just have to make sure to get out of there in time. that definitely takes a lot of the pressure off- we can also drink there now with this knowledge. speaking of drinking i've had to sacrifice my beer habit for a period because i just haven't been able to justify spending money on beer that i need for other things.
other than that i'm not real sure what else i have to talk about. i just discovered that i have some paypal rewards that will actually allow me to buy some tape for the tape machine. not a terrible amount, but not bad- about $50 worth of paypal coupons. i might as well use it. i already paid through the nose to get it.
nina nastasia played on tuesday night at midnight and i didn't end up going because we had people over at the apartment and i didn't really want to tear myself away. i figured everyone would be gone by 11. if that had been the case then it would've been easier to go. what's more it snowed like crazy and naturally it was a little difficult to persuade myself to get back out in the snow. i really did want to see nina nastasia but i've seen her play twice now and what's more it would've involved some pretty hardcore sleep deprivation to go. i would've had to walk from second city all the way to the north and clybourn red line stop in that blizzardy snow at about 2 in the morning or so. not too desirable.
i've missed several shows now that i meant to go to. it's not a bad season for shows really- i just can't ever seem to get off my ass to go to any shows. kind of a shame.
the next stress about the kc acoustic show- getting the run-through coordinated. i have to figure out where it's going to be held and we need to get ahold of the drums in order to do the run through. i have a sneaking suspicion that it might turn into two seperate run-throughs as i suspect that billy will have to work that day or night and that his schedule will clash with the girl who plays the violin- who unfortunately gets in on the 26th. so in that case i believe we will have to rehearse with the violist and the violinist seperately from billy. bumma. i guess it could be worse. i think i will probably try to get ahold of mike to coordinate getting ahold of the drums- bounce off some ideas as to how the sharing of these drums shall go. i almost think that it would be easier for us to rent the two drums that we will need so that we will have a bit more control over when we can use them and not step on anyone's toes as mike will probably want to do hairy belafonte practise the night before. i also know that if we had them with us when we showed up to the record bar things will go much quicker. i am a bit stressed about this. possibly more than the whole process of getting christmas gifts together. it's sort of turned into a blessing that we are only playing at this show for 30 minutes because it's put a more realistic cap on something that's this thrown together (possibly in a quite ramshackle way). so that's how it goes kids. i also have found that when i'm at home it's easier for me to get ahold of billy and mike. much easier. it's just easier to figure out when everyone is free etc. i guess i should quit worrying about it. i'm anxious about the show. i'm excited but quite nervous.