lonely...

listening to the stone roses and lost in a giant miasma of myspace wormholes. i've written about this very new millenium type of wallowing- looking up people you used to know and haven't seen for years on myspace. or doing googles and finding random shit. these are strange times...
it has been raining buckets tonight. it's been incredibly lovely. it can storm all day and night and all of tomorrow for all i care. i unexpectedly have tomorrow off. someone wanted to pick up my shift, and considering that today was a crappy day at work i figured it would really help to have a day off. this week has been a bit crappy now that it comes to it- but just at work really. everything else has been brilliant. even the loneliness, rainstorms and myspace wormholes or sketchy creepiness. yes, i look up old girlfriends. it's so rare that i even remember them that then i like to try to see if i can figure out what they've been up to lately. it's sometimes very easy and sometimes there's nothing.
last night was brilliant- i went to jenee's going away party that was way out in old irving park- which is tricky to get to without a car- or so i thought. it actually proved to be really easy because it's on irving park road which has the only consistently reliable east/west bus line in the entire fucking city. at least it's the best one i've ever come across. it was supposed to start at 2 or 3pm and i went after work was over- which put me there at about 4:30. i was the first one there. awkward. i didn't really know the person whose house it was at and their family was there. i drank from 4:30 to 10:30 though- i was very wobbly. i woke up to go to work this morning and i was still wobbly. for about two or three hours. not fun- i've never had to do that before.
my spiritualized green vinyl finally came today. i paid for it back in june. christ almighty- i gave neutral feedback since the record was in pretty good shape. they did pack it kind of strangely so the two record sleeves were damaged (the seams were a little ripped from the vinyl flopping around loose inside them), but everything else was okay, so i don't really care. i listened to it twice and it sounds very nice and the vinyl is very beautiful- translucent lime green. mmmm. limes. i left neutral feedback- evidently i wasn't the only one having these problems- they had a few really nasty feedback messages on their page today.
i bought a vox pedal on ebay today too. it's sort of billed as 'top boost in a pedal.' meaning that it emulates the top boost feature on a vox ac30 which is holy grail for tyler. i will one day still try to buy one of those elusive and expensive vox ac30 amps, but i figured that this pedal would be well worth a try. it has the same kind of controls, it does indeed run on tubes (which could only be a good thing) and i figured it might help me have a good dense-reverb sound (which i will need very soon). if it sucks then i only spent $100 for it- it just came out and a new one is $200. i just figured i should buy it- such a good deal, such an interesting and unexpected thing that exists and the coin toss told me to go for it. all signs that are good enough for me.
i'm not depressed i wouldn't say. or maybe i am- i can't really tell the difference sometimes anymore and sometimes i go so quickly from one to the other and back that i begin to question the reality of said depression (or said happiness). there is also no predicting the things that will set me off on any particular day. sometimes nothing at all will no matter what's thrown my way and sometimes it will be the slightest thing that normally wouldn't even make me think twice.
i should really be happier i feel like. financially things are kind of crappy in some ways- i owe a lot of money and can't seem to get caught up at all- but at the same time we have the money to go on tour already. not only are we going to be housesitting for jay and diana before we leave but we will also be housesitting for them for a few nights right after we get back and we'll be nearly destitute, so housesitting for them at that time will be very nice. it might be a nice way to unwind after all of that tour craziness. pretty much the next two months are all planned out for us and we won't have much time to stop and absorb much of anything. getting a day off is kind of a godsend.
i'll probably report back tomorrow from the coffee shop in that case.
talk to you then, i guess.