here it comes again

now that i have had to drum up another $200 to get 'down to sleep' released i'm getting that sad bastard feeling. when you shell out so much money and end up having to borrow $200 from someone even after saving up and getting a ton of money rounded up it makes you wonder 'is this really worth it?' especially knowing what i know after having released about four other records that haven't really done much but languish in my closet in boxes. i haven't even sold half of the 80 'learning how to crawl' cds that i have covers for. i've sold about 20 total cds through cdbaby and then a handful here and a handful there. i don't know. i listened to 'voices in the air' the other night after i was done mixing all of the covers we recorded and i thought it was so fantastic and amazing and suddenly it just broke my heart to know that it would probably be doomed to obscurity like damned near everything we've done. i don't know why i keep thinking that something i'm going to do is suddenly going to register with people, but it's getting to the point where it feels like that just isn't going to happen. what am i going to do about? i don't know. just release more records and keep playing shows whenever we can and writing depressing 'woe is me' blog entries like this one. i'm not real sure what else to do.
i got a bike and i've ridden it twice so far- just along the lakefront bike trail. today i rode all the way down past irving park road (which is about 3 miles from our apartment) and back. that was fun. i hope it helps me get into something resembling good shape. it'd be nice to lose some weight and be back to normal again. it was so easy to take being skinny for granted back in the day. from what i understand though riding a bike isn't really going to do anything to make my gut smaller.