listening to some sad bastard shit

i'm at the coffee shop at the moment listening to one of my depressing diary mixes. this one i made before i went to bed one night- the date on it is the 27th. i usually just date them and then post them. here's the tracklist-

1. nightsong- sian alice group
2. you want the candy- raveonettes
3. night of the lotus eaters- nick cave and the bad seeds
4. red rooster- the warlocks
5. duress- swervedriver
6. so mystifying- the kinks
7. just like tom thumb's blues- bob dylan
8. all night long- spectrum
9. promise- mirah
10. you and me- neil young
11. twist the knife- neko case
12. baby i'm just a fool- spiritualized
13. hunter- portishead
14. favorite uncle- bardo pond
15. blue moon revisited (song for elvis)- the cowboy junkies
16. forever- flying saucer attack
17. goodnight irene- leadbelly

i was thinking of adding in 'heart of snow' by black mountain when i was listening to it yesterday. there was something else too but it eludes me now.
it's rainy today. i like. it's a bit muggy. i stayed up too late last night and now i don't think i'll be able to get to sleep tonight, so i'll be wiped at work tomorrow. that's ok.
yesterday we did some awesome sounding vocals in the stairwell. 'fade to white' and another song that doesn't really have a title but does, however, have everything else. i wanted to call it either 'i gave you petals' or 'petals in a rainstorm' but stefanie doesn't think those are a good idea. i can see why given that we already have a song and album called 'petals.' a bit redundant. we haven't even gotten 'down to sleep' released officially yet and already the next ep is pretty much finished. i think of the 8 songs i have at least half of them totally finished, one just needs violin, one needs some other strings (probably just viola) and some minor cosmetic stuff, one needs the drums redone and the last one is kind of still on the drawing board in a sense- i've got the meat of it, but it needs a few more things to flesh it out, which i'm not entirely sure of yet- violin and glockenspiel and some spacy vocals. possibly a few more things for colour and texture. that would be the one i was going to have stefanie's grandmother sing, but it doesn't really look like that's the plan at the moment anymore.
i dunno. doledrums. i need money, money, money. big surprise. so far the current tally is about $3500 for the rest of the year. i'm trying to sell my digital piano at the moment on craigslist.org. so far no one's biting at all. this will allow us to release the 'down to sleep' album. i'm starting to understand that i don't think that all three albums will be able to be released this year. i haven't given up on two. my standards for these records is inordinately high- that tally includes the desire to get a 2-track tape machine to mixdown to, a bunch of microphones and another preamp, the projected total cost for the tour (which my dad said he's going to give us some money to help us afford to get out to california) and i haven't even factored in the cost for the 'all hope is blind record.' the microphones are for the recording of that album. we are going to try and do it live. a few of the songs are finished. i'm going to try to book some time in mid/late october to come to kc and do some recording with billy- consider yourself warned sir. i'm not sure how many trips it will take- but quite a few i'd imagine. i'm going to have to sacrifice my weekends to get this done. basically i'm going to start looking into booking that stuff now so i can take advantage of the low megabus fares. it's not out of the question to me to pay $2 for a few weeks to travel down to kc for my weekends for one full solid day of recording. ridiculous. but necessary. that's how important it is to me to have billy play on these records. plus the last time we worked it was so easy. i think it only took a few hours to get quite a bit done.
i meant to write an entry about something personal. i have again failed so far. i feel like my life is being whittled down to practically this tiny little pinhole through which i look out at the rest of the world. the pinhole is basically just making and releasing my music and playing shows. that seems to be all i can think of at the moment. i can hardly even find anything on the internet that holds my attention for more than a few minutes. i don't know what it is but there is an urgency that's going a bit wonky and out of control this year. no idea why or what it is. i recorded a song the other day that i didn't record the vocals and guitar at the same time because i had to use a rhythm track. when i went to record the vocal i couldn't sing it anymore. i'd done the whole rest of the track, worked on another song, ate dinner, watched a few things and then when i went back the vocal was gone it seemed like. scary. and a bit upsetting as well.
that said the last time i went to kansas city i didn't work on anything and it was quite nice for a change. i think it was because i brought home plenty of dvds to watch and the sheer amount of drinking we did. discovery- beer no longer makes us drunk. a bottle of sixth glass does, but at the moment we can't seem to drink other beers fast enough to have an effect. billy took me on a drive around the paseo as well, an area i've never even seen in kansas city. it was most interesting. and enlightening. we didn't make it out to lawrence this time around either. everything else was just too darn hectic what with jake and adrienne being in town and everything. that was pretty fun as well- i think i would've enjoyed it more if my allergies hadn't been bugging me so much. i feel kind of bad, stefanie showed me a bunch of pictures from when i was over there hanging around on the back porch and i look so pissed off and grumpy in all of them and now i'm a bit worried that people thought that i didn't want to be there- which wasn't true- i was just in so much agony because my eyes were killing me. i finally bought some eyedrops. i've only had to use them once since i've been back. i think that kansas city is an awful place for my allergies. i don't know why. here it's mostly just sinusy dry nose type of stuff. after two days there i wanted to rip my eyeballs from their sockets to stop the itching. the heat wasn't so bad. when we got back, though, we had that muggy memorial day, which i wasn't too keen on mainly because we had just spent so much time at my parents' place which was air-conditioned and at stefanie's parents' house (which her mom keeps at 60 degrees at all times- which i really liked when we were there- call me strange).
my mix is almost over, so i think i should be going mebbe...
see you later. i'll leave you with this stones video that was making me laugh last night-