a self-loathing day repaired

today i had a really bad day at work. mostly it was because of all of the thinking about how i wasn't really able to get any shows together and all of that stuff. i got turned down for the empty bottle show that i really wanted. no one else has responded to any of my other messages either. this has been going on for months now and it's very discouraging. i'm beginning to think that i should look into my idea of having shows at churches. i don't know how much it costs to rent one out for a day/night whatever, but i'd imagine that it's quite expensive. i think i'm going to look into it finally because i'm really getting sick of trying to book shows. it's proving to be quite fruitless and quite a nuisance. i'm going to contact the people at the elbo room again to see if we could come back and play there again. i wasn't too nuts about the venue, but the sound was good, the sound man did what we asked him to and made us sound nice, we played well, etc. etc...
anyway, i got really deeply and darkly depressed. they also sent me home from work really really early- i left by about 8:45. this is not a good sign. this had better not happen all week. so far that's already almost half a day's worth of pay gone because i left at 10:15 last night. in a way it was good to leave because it snowed tonight and it looks really beautiful. i've been riding the brown line since the lasalle/van buren stop is right at the top of the street. it's quicker than taking the bus since i usually only have to wait 5 minutes for a train and it doesn't take me 10 minutes to walk there. the view was really beautiful and i couldn't read my book. i almost cried. i was also listening to 'victorialand' by the cocteau twins which has been a winter album for me since i first bought it during the winter of 2000 at the reckless records in notting hill. a few of my other favourite winter albums are 'five leaves left' by nick drake and 'ocean songs' by the dirty three. a few more escape me because of the winters i spent in portland- it never really felt like winter.