i decree (o yeah)

from this point on my current place of work will be referred to here only as the asylum. why you ask?
a story- there is a man down the hall who is quite a nutjob. he has several dogs that he brings to work everyday. no big deal, right? he also has an albino rabbit named edgar that he brings in too. still no big deal. he brought in his giant iguana on monday. why you ask? we did too and he told us he brought in the iguana because it is afraid of people and it freaks out whenever he sees them so he brought the iguana with him to work and left in the hall so that it would get used to people, since people would always be walking by. oh yeah, and somewhere in his main office space he has a giant south american python. a fucking python. i'm personally not afraid of pythons at all- and i could see bringing in the three or four dogs (it's hard to keep track), the rabbit too, the iguana is a bit weird but i like iguanas, but for fuck's sake why the hell do you need to bring in your fucking PYTHON to work with you?! a footnote- during a stage where i was buying a vitamin water every morning in addition to my normal latte i had to use the bathroom a lot and i'd run into him in there and he'd kind of look at me with this weirded-out/scared look whenever i was in there and he'd stare at me, so i'd just stare back. usually i'd go 'how ya doin?' and he'd mumble something and leave looking really freaked out. after a few months of this one day a male coworker (who's gone now) told me about a conversation he had with the guy down the hall. the subject was me. he told my coworker that he suspected that i never flushed the urinal when i used it. he said he would've talked to me himself but he didn't know me. my coworker asked him if he was sure it wasn't someone that worked for him to which he replied 'oh no, i've talked to all of them about it. it's not any of them.' his basis for believing it was me? he saw me flush the toilet with my foot once.
i've already gone into my boss' nutty habits- she's mainly just very type a and expects you to read her mind without her having to say anything to you and know things that you would never know normally and just do them perfectly with absolutely no guidance. see the entry below for some more details. she also doesn't realise that she comes off as very nasty and confrontational about even the most innocuous things.
so today my boss goes up to the guy down the hall and asks him to move the iguana in from the hallway. this basically devolves into a weird shouting match that got pretty fucking nasty from what i was told. i didn't hear any of it. it all sounded ridiculous, plus when you get two stubborn type a people like that together and in an argument it's sheer chaos. scary. it's difficult to take sides too when both arguers are fucking nuts. on the one hand why should he have to move his iguana just because it freaks my boss out but then on the other why should (or would for that matter) he bring his iguana with him to work everyday and leave it in the hallway for all to see. so there's a lesson for you kids.